Trauma and Gratitude
Family members suggested I take a few days off from my Palestine travels and come to the wedding of my niece, Sana’ Kuttab, in Amman. I had already attended the engagement in the US and was dreading the prospect of having to cross over to Jordan and then back to Israel/Palestine, having to deal with all of the bureaucracy, testing, rules, and quarantine, not to mention the crowds involved. I apologized, but as the date grew near it seemed really unacceptable that I, the eldest uncle, would not be present for the ritual giving away of the bride when I was already in the Middle East and literally an hour away (as the crow flies) from Amman!!
So, I decided to go, but I wanted to use the Northern passage, using my US passport and citizenship status, and not the Allenby Bridge used by West Bank Palestinians and East Jerusalemites. For years, I had crossed from Jerusalem to Amman, sometimes on a weekly basis, when my wife was working as a diplomat with the United Nations in Amman, and I knew every trick in the book to help make the trip quicker, easier, and less nerve wracking.
My brother Daoud, who lives in Amman, told me I should use the Allenby bridge instead. It is much closer, and one could save four hours of driving each way. Plus, he said, the traffic is much lighter with the Corona Pandemic, and the procedures for crossing have improved a bit lately. Therefore, the trip could be managed in a short time. Also, quarantine requirements in both Jordan and Israel have been reduced (and will be scrapped totally on March 1st). So, I decided to go to the wedding and surprise everyone who thought I was not coming.
The truth is, the crossing was one of the easiest I had ever experienced (I ran into complications coming back, but that is another story). What I did not count on was how my body had reacted physically to the bridge!!!
I have heard that certain traumatic experiences literally live in your body, which retains a traumatic memory of such experiences that can be triggered even years after the initial trauma. To me and all other Palestinians, the Allenby Bridge has long been a whole bag of nasty experiences: long hours, overcrowding, humiliation, arbitrary treatment, strip searches, questioning, dehumanization, and helplessness. Going through this process has been the only gateway most Palestinians have to the outside world, since they have not been allowed to use the Tel Aviv airport except by special permit. This has required travelers to be subjected to the whims of Israeli secret service agents, the Palestinian Authority, and Jordan, all three of whom had to approve a passenger before they could pass. For most Palestinians, the bridge has also been the sign of their complicated relationship with the wider Arab world, a world which claimed to champion their cause but which has also often treated them with suspicion, marginalization, and worse.
I had not been to the Allenby bridge for years, preferring to use the airport (which has its own stories as well), but I was shocked at how my body reacted physically to the sight and experience of the bridge. I thought of all the Palestinian kids who are now being traumatized by nighttime arrests, searches, and imprisonment, and of the People of Gaza traumatized by the constant buzzing of drones and airplanes which can drop bombs at any moment.
I also thought of the Jewish people traumatized by the holocaust and millennia of anti-Semitic persecution, and how that made it difficult if not impossible for them to make peace. I thought of how desperately we all need healing from our respective traumas, and of how little we know and do to overcome these traumas.
Well, maybe the wedding I went to is part of the answer. I really enjoyed myself with family and friends and the elaborate festivities. I was, in accordance with custom, given the “Uncle’s Abayeh” which I proudly wore throughout the evening. Music, dancing, family, good food. God is good. Perhaps gratitude is one of the secret ingredients to be used. But, healing from all these traumas is desperately needed, by both Palestinians and Israeli Jews alike.